new blogger

argh, i really didnt want new blogger but they just forced me. god i am so mad. don't mess with a girl who has raging hormones.

all i can say about pregnancy is morning sickness and tiredness. there better be a really cute baby at the end of all this.

i am going on early mat leave aug 31. then i will be 6 1/2 months. time to relax. time to get ready for baby.

so yeah nothing new over here.

i am darins baby mama

yep, we did it, literally. we made ourselves an embryo. due december 16. its going to be a looooooong summer of no margaritas and no bikinis. so yeah we are very excited. only 8 months to go lol. at least we have disneyland coming up. only 13 sleeps till disney.

make work your new favourite

the other day Elf was on tv and now i am dying for it to be christmas again. man that movie is funny. remember when Elf said "smiling is my favourite" and his boss said "make work your new favourite"? good times.

well i started a new business. i am now your local passionparty consultant. I think its going to be a lot of fun and i can make some good coin too. that along with avon and working, man i am going to be a trillionaire. but really, my goal is to pay off my student loan in five years. and my student loan is $99,000. sooooooo um yeah. a little scary. Is that even possible? 99k divided by 5 years is $19800. That divided by 12 months is $1650 per month. That's kinda a big goal. But I can do it. That means I have to do 4 passion parties a month and make $400 at each one. That is soooo doable.

in other news we are going to disneyland again. only 18 sleeps. i cant wait. its going to be me, darin, ash, and her friend. we bought new luggage yesterday and everything. my friend is an expert travel, specifically disney traveller so she has been giving me all the tips and tricks she picked up from their last trip, including some sort of disney planning fast pass.

also, i really like Liv Tyler's voice. i think she is a great speaker.

making babies isnt as easy as it looks

truly i thought that if you build it, it will come. this is not the case with baby making. we are on month five with no sign of a baby. we have done all the right stuff: blood tests, sperm analysis (yes ask darin how much he enjoyed that), charting temps and discharge, plus the whole making time to "babymake" every other day. but still no baby.

my favourite is when people say: once you stop trying it will happen. oh really? oh thank you so much. how can stopping trying help when trying hasn't? what idiots. i mean maybe its stress? maybe its a difficult route and darins swimmers confuse easily. maybe its not meant to be? maybe maybe maybe.

i will find out on easter weekend if aunt flow came to town or the stork. i have never been so excited and then disappointed. taking negative pregnancy tests is very depressing. one doctor was like, well the fun is in trying right? and gave me a wink. um no. i actually have begun to dread having sex. so much pressure. and really, after my shows finish at night its sleepy time for this girl. if i AM pregnant this month, the baby will be due mid-dec 2007. if not, i dont ovulate again until april 19-23 which is exactly the days we shall be in disneyland which obviously we arent going to be kicking the kids out of the room to do it at disney.

i feel like my life is on hold. everything we plan is contingent. lets go to mexico next june...unless i am pregnant or have a new born. lets go to whistler and party for our anniversary this june, unless i am pregnant. i would like to quit my job and do home daycare, but cant until i go on mat leave.

grrrrrrrrrr.....i mean, dear baby gods, love me too.

i hear ya fergie

When the black eyed peas ask, "where is the love?" i really have to agree. two weeks into co-habitation and we may as well have been married for fifty years. Not too much romance going on over here. we are like two ships passing in the winds. we watch different tv progams so that means different rooms. i go to sleep at 11 and he at 12. i go out on friday nights and he goes out on saturdays. i shower in the morning, he showers at night. i saw him in the kitchen the other day and everyone was cordial.

we have incorporated family dinner, at the table, no tv. pretty much its the most difficult thing i have ever done. me and the kid have built a long standing tradition of eating at the coffee table and watching as much tv as possible. we will bend our traditions...temporarily, until we convince him that the table is lame, couch is good.

i dont really know what i expected. the help with rent is nice but there is really just more laundry, i have to cook dinner every night, when i just want quiet time to myself i get accused of being in a bad mood, and now there are usually boys here playing xbox or poker.

who's idea was this again?

pursuit of happyness

there is a really interesting line in that movie. will smith is pondering about his life and looks down at a nickle and thinks about the famous phrase from the US Declaration of Independance "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." the fact that the word pursuit is snuck in before happiness is so telling. i mean really, maybe you can never actually have happiness, only the chase. man, men must love that.

so today is love day. it makes me uncomfortable. i read every card at london drugs. they were either too lovey or too slighted. i got one that i havent given Darin yet. now that i have the card at home it seems unappropriate. the front has candy hearts on it and it says: Valentine Truth: No one actually likes the candy hearts, but we'd miss them if they weren't there. The inside says: Celebrate traditions.

okay so first i was thinking thats funny, i could say: i'd miss you if you werent here but that may imply that i also dont like him just like no one likes candy hearts. then i thought of a bunch of really profound things to say but felt putting them in a card is lame. then i thought maybe i will write a love letter and put it inside. should it be this hard?

i finally decided to say: happy valentines day, love kerry. nuff said.

then i got up this morning an read his card:

Cover: So long someday, So long fear, So long maybe
Inside: Love is here

That alone, very very lame card.

his text: If i could give you the world, i would, but it still wouldn't show how much i truly love and cherish you. thank you for being so wonderful and loving. happy valentines day, love you with all my heart, Darin.

GRRRRRRRR.....i need to find a balance in my card. i used to be a writer. wish me luck +++

i wish you all a happy valentines day.

when these knees are a knocking

Yeah so i absolutely hate public speaking. There is this presentation i have to give for my job four times a year and for the week before it arrives my stomach gets weak. the last time i nearly passed out and couldnt even read the words on my power point. i was all "well you can see up there what we do..."

this time wasn't as bad but certainly wasnt joyful in any way. i looked at the same person during the entire duration. then i said my opening line at the end of my presentation. how lame. and it was a good line. very witty. very ess volunteer crowd appropriate. however, it made no sense coming at the end.

also, my back hurts. and no one cares. and there is a feeling-sorry-for-herself ten year old stomping around my house. AND i have pms. oh happy days.