making babies isnt as easy as it looks

truly i thought that if you build it, it will come. this is not the case with baby making. we are on month five with no sign of a baby. we have done all the right stuff: blood tests, sperm analysis (yes ask darin how much he enjoyed that), charting temps and discharge, plus the whole making time to "babymake" every other day. but still no baby.

my favourite is when people say: once you stop trying it will happen. oh really? oh thank you so much. how can stopping trying help when trying hasn't? what idiots. i mean maybe its stress? maybe its a difficult route and darins swimmers confuse easily. maybe its not meant to be? maybe maybe maybe.

i will find out on easter weekend if aunt flow came to town or the stork. i have never been so excited and then disappointed. taking negative pregnancy tests is very depressing. one doctor was like, well the fun is in trying right? and gave me a wink. um no. i actually have begun to dread having sex. so much pressure. and really, after my shows finish at night its sleepy time for this girl. if i AM pregnant this month, the baby will be due mid-dec 2007. if not, i dont ovulate again until april 19-23 which is exactly the days we shall be in disneyland which obviously we arent going to be kicking the kids out of the room to do it at disney.

i feel like my life is on hold. everything we plan is contingent. lets go to mexico next june...unless i am pregnant or have a new born. lets go to whistler and party for our anniversary this june, unless i am pregnant. i would like to quit my job and do home daycare, but cant until i go on mat leave.

grrrrrrrrrr.....i mean, dear baby gods, love me too.