i hear ya fergie
When the black eyed peas ask, "where is the love?" i really have to agree. two weeks into co-habitation and we may as well have been married for fifty years. Not too much romance going on over here. we are like two ships passing in the winds. we watch different tv progams so that means different rooms. i go to sleep at 11 and he at 12. i go out on friday nights and he goes out on saturdays. i shower in the morning, he showers at night. i saw him in the kitchen the other day and everyone was cordial.
we have incorporated family dinner, at the table, no tv. pretty much its the most difficult thing i have ever done. me and the kid have built a long standing tradition of eating at the coffee table and watching as much tv as possible. we will bend our traditions...temporarily, until we convince him that the table is lame, couch is good.
i dont really know what i expected. the help with rent is nice but there is really just more laundry, i have to cook dinner every night, when i just want quiet time to myself i get accused of being in a bad mood, and now there are usually boys here playing xbox or poker.
who's idea was this again?
we have incorporated family dinner, at the table, no tv. pretty much its the most difficult thing i have ever done. me and the kid have built a long standing tradition of eating at the coffee table and watching as much tv as possible. we will bend our traditions...temporarily, until we convince him that the table is lame, couch is good.
i dont really know what i expected. the help with rent is nice but there is really just more laundry, i have to cook dinner every night, when i just want quiet time to myself i get accused of being in a bad mood, and now there are usually boys here playing xbox or poker.
who's idea was this again?
posted by Kerry @ 8:00 AM
3 Comments:
At 1:21 PM,
Metro said…
Hey Kel:
Good to see you back. Will you forgive some free advice? Worth exactly what you paid for it.
May I suggest that you keep the family dinner? At the table?
Mme Metro and I have been happily married for two years, and part of that has been because we eat dinner together.
Since she mostly cooked, I mostly did dishes until our styles conflicted so violently that she took that mostly out of my hands.
I take out garbage, I patch holes, install baseboards, clean the bathroom more often than not, and do the odd loada laundry for variety.
She cooks the majority of the meals and does most of the dishes and cleaning. It works for us.
We take irregular turns cleaning the cat box.
And if at any time one of us hates the way the other does the job, that person is free to take on the responsibility for that task.
There's no real "fair" division of housework, but you can create one. And if you're both working, you need to.
Insist he contribute as much to getting the place/clothes/dishes clean as he did to dirtying it/them.
Re. TV--sorry, I think watching different televisions is sclerotic for families. I recommend ditching all but one television. You can either negotiate to watch something together, or tape one of the shows.
And if this is an issue more than twice a week, then I think you're both watching too much TV, but hey that's just me.
Find something to do together--sans kid (but find another something to do as a family, too)--Drag out your local rec centre or community ed calendar and ask him what interests him. You may not be interested in it, but you're interested in him, no? Sign up together.
And most importantly: sit him down and ask him where he sees the two of you in ten years. Hammer out a vision and then get to work on it.
Because if you can't see a future together, you won't have one.
Oh--and remember that in every argument or struggle, someone's going to have to give in.
Pick your battles and give in on stuff that's not vital to you. But make it easy on him to give in if/when you can't.
"And remember--I'm pullin' for ya. We're all in this together," as Red Green says.
At 1:21 PM,
Metro said…
Why'd I think I'd been married for two years for god's sake?
Please don't tell my wife ...
At 5:13 PM,
... said…
sweetheart - stick with the family dinners at the table, for real. think of it as one less thing your daughter will complain about in therapy...
but you gotta do something about fellas playing xbox and poker! that's time you guys should be hanging out as a family. boys night in should only be once a week - MAX.
and watch tv together at night. it's waaaaaaay too soon for different bed times.
otherwise, what's the point? you can get rent money from a room mate.
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