end of my rope

quick, grab the rope man!

i really hope i am pms'ing or else i am having serious mental issues. i think the fact that my daughter is turning ten and that i am turning 30 and am about to finish school for real, which means loan repayment, is making me physically ill, to which there is no cure.

i dont know what the hell i was thinking going to school for seven years. i owe $85k plus interest. now i will never own a home until i have it paid off.

i hate everything. i hate my friends, my boyfriend, my job, my career, my house, my body, my clothes, my bank account balance, my credit card balance, my student loan debt, my committment to being a single parent, my baby daddy, my split ends, my half painted living room, my poor eye sight, the weather, file folders, bad cell phone reception, no babysitter, bitchy co-op neighbours, couch scratching cats, no ring on my finger, other people buying homes, snarky nail ladies, lack of volunteer appreciation, the difficulty of transfering information between non-networked hard drives, rich people, poor people, and no-shows.

i need a plan. i need a f*ing plan. I NEED A PLAN.

avon calling

by the way, i actually AM selling avon now. if you want me to be your sales rep and you live in the lower mainland you should contact me. i am not only the president, but i am also a client. i understand the needs of the little people.

please, buy avon (AMANDA).

come one, come all.

whoa, i hope i dont turn into this avon lady, she is super creepy. and she has her own website which features "original songs to motivate and inspire avon ladies." i am a bit nervous. i am one scrarf set and two lip glosses away from being this lady.

remember the weekend?

well i do, and it was a bust. kids, kids, kids. luckily i have a horrible cold and didnt really have the energy to do anything or i would have been really annoyed. i watched Munich though, the movie, not the documentary. the first ten to fifteen minutes were really boring but i had faith in steven spielberg and he didnt let me down. the movie was really pretty good. but i was on cough medicine so there is no way to be sure.

so i got a new computer (gift from daddy) and all i want to do is sit at it because its so nice. i have been trying for a week to figure out how to move my stuff from my old computer to my new computer through a cross cable but i really just cant figure it out. why dont i know a super geeky computer person that is at my beck and call? i really really need to get my stuff out of my old computer. please help.

tomorrow i am going to see mission impossible 3....mostly against my will because i am pretty sure tom cruise is off a direct lineage to satan but it was that or xmen 3 and i really dont want to see that at all. i am DYING to see pirates of the carribean 2 but it isnt out yet. and i sorta want to see the break up but thats out on friday.

june seems to be shaping up nicely: getting my raise, going camping, kid finishing up school, lots of my committees rounding down, one year anniversary, its all coming up roses in my opinion...i wonder what the black cloud will be?

oh and also, i went back to the gym on sunday after a nice 3 month break and then i went again yesterday and now my legs are broken. i cant go up and down stairs. and also, both days i went to the gym i had mcdonalds. there is really something wrong with me.

blogging can be chore...man

every morning i come to the computer and check my two work email accounts plus my home one. then i check out jobs online, even though i just signed a contract with my current employer. then i go watch the news, have a shower, take kid to school, then come back to the computer to see if any new mail has arrived since i last checked it. then i think to myself...shouldn't i write in my blog? shouldn't i tell people what is going on? then i am like, um only amanda reads my blog and maybe suresh on a really slow day at work. then i remembered that actually my blog is open to the public and maybe i have some adoring fans that are just sitting around with my blog stored in the favourites and keep wondering what has happened to me. has there been some sort of incident, they ponder? did her computer blow up? how could she have forgotten all about us?

gawd...i am about to do what i really hate doing...i am going to update you on all the things that have occurred since i last posted. its so lame and so boring. but then i will feel like i can go on...pick up where we left off so to speak.

here we go...in specific order:

1. went on the boat cruise thingy for denise's birthday. man, it was fun. eight of us, bad food, wind blowing through our hair, and a whole shit load of booze...five hundred dollars later. yikes. i remember getting really drunk and apparently there are pictures to prove it but they are being held as blackmail for later use.

2. mothers day. oh yes, i recall. we (darin, his mom, me, and my child) to the boathouse fancy mothers day brunch. $30 a head, shit service, cold food, and really just a table of four really annoying, complaining people. on the bright side, darin bought me a day at a spa so thats going to be cool if i can ever find time to book it. apparently its like 4 1/2 hours. massage, manicure, pedicure, facial and some sort of waxing.

3. darin told me he loved me. i mean, you are probably thinking so what. but this is a big milestone in our relationship. we have been off and on, as some of you know oh too well, for three years. this time on for a year (as of june 30). anyhow, its kinda weird and suffucating to know that we are a real honest to goodness together forever couple now. be careful what you wish for.

4. my gramma died. last wednesday. i really like her. i mean, you know, not to just get her riches (which she had none) but really she was a funny, crazy, mean/nice, sour/sweet lady. i think i am kinda like her. there are so many memories of her that i dont even think i could pick a favourite. so the funeral was this tuesday and my dad cried. and i have never seen my dad cry so it was kinda unnerving in a way.

so that brings us up to date and back to reality. today i told said child and her friend to see over the hedge. it was kinda lame and kinda funny. definately a rental. tomorrow we are going to see a parade. a real honest to goodness parade.

oh, one last thing, my neice 3 1/2 years old keeps asking "what happened to gramma cora" and my brother keeps saying "shes in heaven" (which that alone would have my gma rolling over in...well i guess her urn...but anywho she didnt believe in the whole heaven/hell gossip but thats a whole other blog discussion). then today my neice says "do you think that heaven killed gramma cora." kids...they are crazy and not very smart either.

okay really last thing. i think i will end my blogs with a "kaida-ism" which is my neice's name. cuz damn, she makes me laugh. and plus, if you dont write this stuff down you forget the good stuff. soooo funny thing today:

kaida says: are you an adult?
me says: yes
kaida says: well i dont want to be one. i am going to be a butterfly, then a unicorn, then a mermaid.
me says: good luck.

whoa, where have i been?

well for starters, i got the promotion and am now the Executive Director of my organization. I am going to try to get paid as much as possible before they find out I have been faking my way through life.

tomorrow i am going on a 3 hour boat cruise. it's only up and down the fraser river but i still hope i don't get stranded on annisis island or something horrid.

anyhow, yeah remember amandas wedding? i do. i ate two peices of cheese and let some girl that doesn't even have a boyfriend catch the bouquet. yeah man, i am just too nice. thats what they are always saying about me.


heres me at the wedding with darin...and Steph.


here's me at the wedding some more.