sleepovers are the worst ever

i didnt die camping. we had a really good time actually. good weather. good company. blah blah.

then i had a tough tough week of work.

and then came the four day birthday extravaganza. it really was the worst. i dont even think i am ready to talk about it yet. the kids just left. i am still traumatized.

i'll be back later. after some t3 with codine, some margarita, and a long long nap.

a camping we will go

wow, a campsite with a teepee, trailor, pool, slides, tents, and lounge chairs. sign me up buttercup.


ten hours till we leave for camping. i just love a good ole fashioned 5 am start. its how we used to do it when we were kids. of course there was all the swearing from my dad as he tried to fit everything into the bright orange westfalia van. my mom still had to guzzle her glass of morning wine. my brother would need a bath from peeing the bed. and i would just sit and wait. yep, camping with my family was a real treat. i was telling darin that all i remember about camping with my family was my brothers in their baby jail at the campsite. and thats it. i wonder what we did when we were there. i would ask but vacations are a real touchy subject in my family.

luckily, i made it a point that i wouldnt be crazy like my parents. instead i would choose a whole new crazy of my own. but like i said, this trip is going to be full of fun and games. for reals.

in other news, today is the five year anniversary of my friends brothers death. so lets think happy thoughts for andrew who doesnt even get to camp anymore. unless heaven is one big forest and you get to camp all the time. dont worry, andrew would think thats funny. i am not being crass.

so long folks, until monday, dream of me.

i feel bad

i think i make darin sound a lot worse than he really is. i am just being a girl. i want everything and i want it all now. moving in together is a big step. especially moving in with someone with a kid. instant family. its a big responsibility and if he's not ready yet i'd rather he took the time to do it right then to do it just cuz i forced him and then he may screw it up. things take time. this i know. all good things come to those who wait? so long as there are conversations, good times, and plans for the future i am okay with that....on most days.

we are going camping again this weekend and i cant wait. going to be fun. we are taking the child and going with another couple and their child. we have scavenger hunts planned. yatzee games. badminton. hikes. and of course drinking beer around the fire once the kids are zipped into tents.

by the way, the child returned from camp, unharmed. well the last two days she had a fever and was stuck in the nurses office on meds. but shes all better now. and she loved it. next year we will do one week in july and one in august.

in less than two weeks i will be the mother of a double digit year old child. please believe it. i know, i know. i am much too young and beautiful.

seperating dreams from reality

not as easy as you would think. now i am no psychologist, and i havent been studied or anything, but you know when you have a dream and it seems so real and then when you find out its not, you are really pissed off? i think i better provide an example. so last night i had a dream that darin and i were getting married in like a week. and he just sprung it on me. like "hey, we're in love, what are we waiting for, lets get married." so in my dream, i was burning songs on cds for the wedding, i picked out a wedding dress, and i was a lovely hotel room washroom getting ready. i was putting on my make up in the mirror in the washroom, and people, i am telling you, this dream was so real. and when i woke up and darin didn't look like he wanted to get married, i was really disappointed. i even cried a little on the way to work. and then i called him later in the morning to ask him how to open the hood of the car and he was not helpful at all i realized, this person does not want to get married.

bottom line, dreams are stupid and not at all reality.

bank balances and phone messages

why is it that about 4-5 times during my work day that i check to see what my credit card balance is? i check my bank balance too. and then my phone messages. its as though i am expecting some kind of wonderful to happen to me. a call that i wasnt expecting but will be most pleased to receive. a sudden increase in my credit card limit or someone paid off my bill for me. someone made a special secret deposit into my bank account.

why do i do this? do you do this too? do i have no life?

in other news, my boyfriend has stayed at my house for the past five nights. tonight will be number six, and the last until next week. i truly dont get why he doesnt want to move in yet. we have so much fun. i do his laundry. i bake cookies. i make dinner every night. i clean the house and light sweet melon smelling candles. daily sex. its all good. really. i am not even sugar coating to make it seem like living with me is great, it just really IS.

but no, apparently we are not moving in together until next july. um thats another year. i mean, am i wasting the pretty here? i hope not. all i know is that my student loan is going to want to be repaid starting march 1, 2007. so i really need him to move in with me or i will no longer have any money. and i like money. so i think i will bring up that the move in date will be moved to march 1, 2007. i mean really, thats a compromise. i want now and he wants never so i think that march is a good compromise. i did first suggest december and he said july. so march is half way. phew, i am glad we got that under control. of course, i have been slowly moving him in against his will. all his clothes and shoes are at my house. any time he needs to go somewhere he has to come to my house. and plus the meals, believe me there are no meals getting made over at his place. just a lot of take out and video game action. i told him he can play video games whenever he wants at my house. so long as i am not home or am sleeping. thats fair i think. also, he smokes weed ALOT. so that may be a problem. right now i make him go across the street but if we live together he may be all "yo, its my house bitch and i'll smoke what i wanna smoke." well thats what he would say if he was a gangsta. but you get the idea.

yep, change is a coming. i have never lived with a boy before. all i know is that right now him and the child leave their clothes on the floor from the front door all they way through the house. this is going to be a lot of work. but i want to play this role. live-in girlfriend. i hope i get the job. i can start right away.

its a jungle out there

but not in here. working alone is really boring. also, i dont get any work done cuz i cant get motivated just sitting here alone. if only someone would just come and work here two days a week. it would be so fabulous. and they would do work and i would pay them. and i would wear a shirt that says "you're not the boss of me."



but it would be super cute and not lame at all cuz i'd be the boss and if you said it was lame i would totally dock you pay and then fire you. or i'd make you carry the mail in the your mouth in that movie Secretary.



People tell me that i look like her, Maggie Gyllenhaal. i have to agree, she's hot, im hot, nuff said.

When I was looking for an image from the movie Secretary, I found this instead:



she is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not hired. whore.

from beyond and back

so its been really busy. moving my house and office in the same week is not a recommendation i would make to even my worst enemy. i also just found out that i failed a class due to lack of participation (see: not turning in assignments) and now i have defaulted my student loan. now i am forced to make an appeal and hope that the government will fund me for my last semester ever. are the gods on my side? not likely.

whats happened recently? i dont even know. lets try to recap. moved house. moved office. failed a course. behind on current semester. sent child to sleep away camp. disappointed with current love relationship. having lots of fun with my new friend and our new yatzee game. i got bangs. planned a trip for the last week of august to travel the island: tofino, qualicum, sooke, and victoria. wondering how said trip will get paid for. feeling like i am really behind at work and how it will possibly correct itself. very sad that the summer is quickly coming to a close and i havent done anything fun. disappointed a few people. got disappointed by a few as well.

on saturday after a fight with the beau, i went to a barbeque/photo shoot in white rock. i arrived late and left early. caught up with some old friends and decidedly hate sing-a-longs especially when there is no fire. it was a good time though, while be it short and the bbq portion was over and my chicken was still frozen. i talked to another parent and its nice to know that all kids are trying and parenting makes no sense. i feel less alone and less of an awful parent.

i spent all of monday crying because i sent my child to camp. i plan on fixing up her room so fabulously. she also wants a fish. i will surprise her with a fish for her room. she really likes welcome home parties too. i think i will have one for her. make a sign. hang some streamers. invite some people over to jump out from behind a couch. make some sandwiches with no crusts on cuz what kid likes crust? take some pictures. it will be grand.

today i am back to work after two weeks off due to the move. i almost forgot i even had a job. i was enjoying just cashing pay cheques and returning emails. i started to think that was my job but today i remembered about the following: gaming application, bingo application, planning the AGM, hiring a staff person for september, unpacking the office, producing the September newsletter, creating the annual report, my july staff report, the new looming tasks that were created for me at a meeting i did not attend, meeting with the corporate fundraiser, meeting with the private fundraiser, and oh um all the regular stuff my job entails. oh dear oh dear. but i have to do it. i like this job. it pays well, its 2 blocks from my house, and i have all the flexibility in the world. must make an effort. must.

also, i am trying to plan a murder mystery dinner and i really thought people would like to do this. so far its just four of us and we need eight. what is wrong with people? what?

holy, does anyone care about this at all? no.